Just Dont Hit Any Big Waves

Last in Line

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. As they stand at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Paradise and meet their maker, God decides to grant each person one wish because of the grief they have experienced.

They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is.

“I want to be gorgeous,“ she says, and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.

The second one in line hears this and says, “I want to be gorgeous too.”

Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.

This goes on for a while with each one asking to be gorgeous, but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in the line starts laughing.

When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his head off.

Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish
will be. The guy eventually calms down and says: "Make 'em all ugly again."

NEXT TIME YOU'RE LAST IN LINE, BE HAPPY

Red Hot Grandpa

Grandpa smelled like the red, hot, cinnamon candies he loved. When he came to visit, the candies spilled out of his pockets when he sat down. Ben was worried about Grandpa's visit though. He was thinking about the question. Soon Grandpa would ask, "Had any fantastic fudge lately?"

This was usually Ben's favorite question. Grandpa and Ben made mouth-watering, thick, creamy fudge. It melted in their hands and mouths as they ate it. They licked every smudge of fudge off their fingers.

They had made M & M marshmallow fudge, jellybean fudge, double chocolate chip gummy bear fudge, peppermint candy cane fudge, and rootbeer fudge.

Ben was worried about Grandpa's question for one reason. He always surprised Grandpa with a special ingredient. He picked it out weeks ahead of time. One time, he even dreamed of the ingredient. This time, he hadn't thought of anything and fudge-making time was almost here.

Ben searched the kitchen for the special ingredient. He passed up peanut butter, chocolate chips, raisins, pears, and yogurt. Grandpa came into the kitchen.

"So, Ben, had any fantastic fudge lately?" Grandpa asked. "Shall we make a batch?"

"All right," Ben said. What would he do when it was time for the special ingredient?

"What's the surprise ingredient?" Grandpa asked.

"I'm hiding it until the last minute," Ben said. He didn't want to tell Grandpa he hadn't been able to think of anything.

They got out the milk and the chocolate. Grandpa didn't need a recipe. "It's all up here," he said, tapping his head. They took turns adding, mixing, and tasting.

Soon they would need the special ingredient. Ben thought hard. He tried to reach the vanilla, but it was too far back in the cabinet.

"Need some help?" Grandpa asked. Grandpa climbed onto a chair.

Ben noticed Grandpa's pockets overflowing with the red, hot, cinnamon candies. "That's it!" Ben thought. His special ingredient had been right here all along. As Grandpa leaned over, Ben spilled the candies out of his pocket into the pan of cooking fudge. Grandpa looked, in surprise, as the bright red candy melted into the warm, bubbling chocolate. They both started to laugh.

"This batch of fudge won't be boring," Grandpa said, chuckling. They poured it into a pan to cool. "What should we call this batch?" Grandpa asked. The warm cinnamon smell swirled around them.

"Red hot fudge!" Ben said.

"I'd never have thought that in a million years," Grandpa said. When the fudge was cool, they tried a piece. It was delicious.

"This is our best recipe yet," Grandpa said. Ben and Grandpa grinned at each other. They were thinking about the next time they would make fudge. They could hardly wait.
Grandpa and Ben's Fantastic Fudge

Tools:
• 8-inch square baking dish
• heavy saucepan
• wooden spoon
• measuring cups and spoons
• clock or timer

Ingredients:
• ½ cup evaporated milk
• ¼ cup margarine
• 1 1/4 cup sugar
• 25 marshmallow
• (8 ounce) package of semisweet chocolate chips
• teaspoon vanilla
• cooking spray

First, spray your baking dish. Next, measure milk, margarine, and sugar into your saucepan. Stir, over medium heat, until your mixture boils. Boil for 5 minutes. Take the pan off the heat. Stir in the marshmallows and chocolate chips until they are melted. Next, add the vanilla.

If you want to add yummy ingredients NOW is the time. Stir until your ingredients are all mixed in. Pour it into your baking dish. Refrigerate until the fudge is firm (about 2 hours). Cut it into squares and eat it! Makes 25 pieces.
Grandpa and Ben's suggestions

• 1 cup of peanuts, walnuts, or pecans
• 1 cup of gummy worms or bears
• ½ cup of jelly beans or gumdrops
• 1 cup peanut butter chips
• 1 cup miniature marshmallows
• ½ cup of cinnamon, red candies
• ¾ cup of peppermint candy (crushed)
• ½ cup crushed malted milk balls

By Kerrily Sapet

Alfie's Home

Goodbye Ability To Eat, Walk , And Piss By Myself :(

7 Secrets to Happiness

Like oil and water, sometimes it feels like being happy and being a teenager just don't go together. Stress from schoolwork, friendships, family relationships, hormonal changes with your body, and your own goals can make the teen years difficult. One minute, you're thrilled about your date to the school dance and 60 seconds later you're upset because you missed an easy basketball shot in gym class. One moment you're thrilled to get an A on a tough history test; then the sight of your ex walking down the hallway with a new flame brings you down.

The good news is that these types of mood swings are normal for teens, as long as they don't overwhelm your life. Even better, Choices has unlocked seven secrets that can boost your daily happiness, Turn the page for the list:

1. Get physical. Exercising for 30 to 40 minutes a day can drastically improve your well-being. "It affects your outlook, the way you feel, your entire state of mind," says Michael Bradley, a psychologist who works with teens and is the author of the books Yes, Your Teen Is Crazy and Yes, Your Parents Are Crazy. This is partially due to the fact that regular physical activity produces endorphins, a brain chemical that controls stress and improves mood. This doesn't mean that you have to join a basketball team or be a competitive gymnast. You can ride your bike, take a kickboxing class, play tennis, do yoga, and go for walks with a friend. The key is to push yourself, but have a good time while you're doing it. Just ask Faye Honig, 12, of Brooklyn, New York. "My tap dancing class is strenuous, but fun and relaxing," she says. "I look forward to it every week."
2. Embrace a hobby Activities don't have to be physically taxing. There are plenty of fun, challenging things to do that can take your mind off your troubles. Do you doodle? Sign up for a drawing or painting class. Do you like to take pictures? Join the yearbook staff as a photographer. There are also things you can do without joining a group like sewing your own clothes or reading.
3. Ease up on romance. obsessive relationships and bad breakups are a major source of unhappiness and pain among teens. "Spending too much time with a boyfriend or girlfriend can take a big emotional toll on teens," Bradley says. And we're not just talking about face-to-face encounters; talking on the phone, sending e-mail, and texting count too.

Add balance to your life by socializing with friends and getting involved with activities that don't involve romance, like school clubs, sports teams, and family events. If you're spending too much time with a significant other, set boundaries. For instance, hang out only on weekends, or one day during the week.

4 Take care of your body. Getting enough sleep and eating nutritious meals and snacks can work wonders on your mental state. "There are tons of studies that show if you don't get enough sleep, your mind wanders and you can't concentrate," says Ruth Peters, a clinical psychologist from Clearwater. Florida, and a contributor to NBC's Today show. The average teenager needs nine-and-a-half hours of sleep per night.

Eating a balanced diet — not too much sugar, junk food, or caffeine — helps you stay healthy, both physically and emotionally. Don't forget to stay hydrated by drinking plenty of fluids — especially water.

5 Spend time alone. It's great to be busy with lots of activities and a full social schedule, but it's also important to spend time by yourself. "Spending a little bit of time alone each day offers you a chance to see how you feel and what you think about the things that are going on in your life," says Nancy Kalish, a professor of psychology at California State University in Sacramento. "It helps you get in touch with your personal philosophy too."

Spending time alone can mean sitting under a tree for 10 minutes a day, going for a solo walk, or writing in a journal. Writing in a journal can really help improve your mood. You can rant and rave about whatever is bothering you, and no one else will see it. Then, a week or two later, you can revisit your entry and get some perspective about how big a problem the issue really was.

* 6 Help Others. During the summer months, Keith Herkert, 15, of Newport, Oregon, volunteers at a summer camp for kids. "I think of it as giving back to my community," he says. "It makes me feel good about myself." Keith's experience is common. "Helping other people is a meaningful and rewarding experience," Kalish says. "It brings a sense of accomplishment and pride." The opportunities for volunteering are endless: Work at the local animal shelter, tutor younger kids, have a bake sale to benefit a charity, serve meals to the elderly.
* 7 Communicate with Mom and Dad. Adolescence is often a tough time for both teens and their parents. The teens are itching for independence and the moms and dads are worried about giving their kids more control over their lives. The end result is often screaming matches that no one benefits from. Peters suggests having a calm discussion with your parents about what they expect from you. "Write down the rules together: your chores, cell phone and Internet limitations, your curfew," she says. This way you won't get in trouble when you break a rule you didn't know about. Another useful tip: If a talk with your parents heats up, suggest taking a break and revisiting the issue when everyone cairns down.

As you can see, the seven secrets to being a happy teen aren't really "secret" at all. But that's the point: They are things that all teens can do to help themselves feel better. Why not give them a try?
Can't Shake the Blues?

If you always feel unhappy or angry or jittery, you may be suffering from depression. Depression is a serious illness, but it's treatable. People suffering from it need to see a doctor. In 2005, an estimated 2.2 million teens in the United States experienced major depression. Here are some symptoms of depression:

* Feeling so low that you can't do basic things like get out of bed.
* Having severe mood swings for no clear reason.
* Trouble sleeping.
* Consistently lacking an appetite.
* Trouble focusing on tasks like schoolwork.
* Being forgetful of important events.
* Losing your temper at the slightest provocation.
* Believing that life has no meaning.
* Feeling worthless.

If you think you might be depressed, talk to an adult you trust as soon as possible about getting help.
Try This Read each scenario and then select the most positive way each teen should respond to the stressful situation. Answers are in the Teacher's Edition. 1 Craig is upset because his girlfriend broke up with him a week before the big dance. He should

a. send her e-mails and text messages begging her to get back together with him.

b. scratch her name on his arms with a pen, then wear a sleeveless T-shirt to school.

c. go to the dance with friends and dance with lots of different girls.

d. stay home and play "their song" over and over,
2 Allison is devastated after missing the winning shot for her soccer team. She should

a. go for a long run immediately after the game to punish herself.

b. go to a comedy movie with friends where everyone can laugh and not dwell on the game.

c. go home and hide under the blankets in her bed.

d. lash out at her teammates and blame them for not playing better — after all, everyone lost the game, not just Allison.
3 Joe is bored at home. He knows he should do something, but he's not sure what. He should

a. shoot hoops in his driveway.

b. play video games.

c. eat junk food and watch TV.

d. complain to his mom that he has nothing to do.

By Leah Paulos

Ok, I'm at camp. Now what?

Packing is the easy part They'll give you a checklist for that What about all the pesky little things you'll Pace once you get to summer camp? Mo, we're not talking about mosquitoes.

So you're going to overnight camp. Great! Stoked, right? But — and this is so natural, nature girl — you also have anxiety. Instead of developing a nervous rash, read on.…

"Yikes! I have no friends here"

Camp is pretty much guaranteed to foster deep (and lasting) friendships. Why? Because all you campers are in the same canoe. For the most part, your fellow campers are also flying solo. Therefore, just about everybody is looking to buddy up. And whether you're at gymnastics camp or basketball camp or rock climbing or whatever, they are too! See the beauty of" it? You instantly have common interests. Even if you're at a general activities camp, you'll be registering for workshops. That means you're bound to meet buds who are also into ceramics or organics or . So no more worrying about whether or not you'll make friends, deal?

"ThiS is so like a marathon sleepover"

And that's a problem why? Well, if you stay up all night gabbing, you may have trouble rolling out of bed in the a.m. And some camps make you get out of the sack at the butt-crack of dawn. When you get to camp, you'll be assigned to a bunk, which is usually a simple wood cabin — uh, shake the dreams of plasma TV and a hot tub! — with only bare necessities such as bedding and, er, that's it. (Even bathroom facilities are often in a separate structure.) You'll share bunk space with roughly a dozen other girls and a couple college-age camp counselors. That turns bunk time into bonding time. It is here that you will really get to know your bunkmates and counselors, dish about camp cuties, and plot out pranks to pull on rival bunks. Slumber party!

'Whaddaya mean I can't use my cell?"

Some gals were born to be in the wild. Others, well, aren't so fond of parting ways with the conveniences of home (read: civilization). If you're more of a mall maven than a granola girl, learn to appreciate the change of scenery. It's important to hilly embrace your new surroundings — that means letting go of the familiar. We doubt anyone's going to freak if you bring your blow-dryer, but camp offers a chance to take a mini-break from the same ol' routine.

As for staying connected to fam and friends back home? Every camp has rules regarding visits, phone calls and Internet use, but we recommend you send old-school, lined notebook-paper letters from camp. Why? People will respond with care packages. So write home often.

"Whoa! The lake is crawling with boys"

Here's a little secret: Lots of girls have had their first kiss at summer camp. Camp offers so many setups for flirting, dancing, star-gazing and hand-holding. Picture this: You and a poppin'-fresh hottie you haven't known since pre-K huddled by the campfire on a moonlit night. Even if you go to an all-girls facility, you'll likely meet up at mixers with guys from a nearby camp. If you do make a crush connection, keep in mind that this is just a summer thing. Sure, you can agree to keep in touch. But odds are the crush will be seasonal, and that's what makes it extra special, Just keep it light, and enjoy your time together. Yes, it's short. But it's still sweet.

"I have my period and, you want me to swim how many laps?"

You'll probably have to deal with a cluster of minor annoyances during your camp stay — that dreaded time of the month, food that makes your school cafeteria seem like a five-star restaurant, a bunkmate's snoring. When it comes to body issues, just keep in mind that as uncomfortable as it seems, every girl has been there — and that includes female counselors. If you don't feel well enough to freestyle, say so. No, it's not the same as curling up with a heating pad at home. But you're going to camp to embark on an adventure. Remember that as you plunge your fork into the greenish goop on your plate. And bury your head under your pillow when King Kong snores.

"Hey, I didn't sign up POP drama camp"

With so many different personalities in the mix, drama is bound to flare up like a tiki torch. Try not to be drawn into It. Be friendly to everyone but, when conflicts heat up, focus your attention on, say, your archery skills. Also, strike the artful balance of sticking with girls you've befriended but without being cliquey. Keep in mind that learning to deal with roommates will come in handy later in life, like in college when you'll live in a dorm room the size of a shoebox.

"I swear, my counselor hates me"

Maybe she's a stickler when it comes to lights-out or takes her bad moods out on you. It's tough, but know your counselor is human. Perhaps she takes her job super seriously, or it could be she misses her boyfriend back home. Simply try to steer clear of an icky counselor…but really warm up to that awesome one who can make a good summer great. Imagine having a big sister to confide in and get advice from — but she never teases, ices you out or tells your mom.

"Kumba-yeah, right. I'm a true talent"

Back in the day, a Miss America contestant dazzled judges with how well she could pack a suitcase. Your talent show act doesn't have to be this lame, and it doesn't need to involve sing-alongs or dorky hand-clapping. But hear this: You're not competing for n record deal. So be silly, even ridiculous. Do impersonations of counselors, or burp the alphabet in unison with your gal pal. The more fun you have with it, the more run the audience has watching it.

"This is a nightmare. I wanna go Home"

So maybe you're saying to yourself, "Sounds awesome, but what if I get homesick?" We're not gonna lie. Homesickness is a common ailment. Usually, though, it doesn't last long. One veteran camper we know told us that when she was homesick, her counselor suggested she make a list of all the things she liked about camp. And guess what — it helped. Truth is, when it's time to go home, you'll be bawling about having to leave your bunkmates. Heck, by the time you get back to your crib, you might feel campsick!

"Whoa! The lake is crawling with boys"

By Simone Ellin and Amelia Mularz, Girls' Life